Things can get better. For me too.

Just 21, and convinced life would never get better. That’s how I felt until three months ago. I’d spent almost ten years just surviving with the effects of CPTSD.

Over the years, I was given more and more labels and tried several treatments, without the results I’d hoped for. Eventually I was described as ‘too complex’ and reached a dead end in the healthcare system. I was passed from pillar to post. It felt as if there was no treatment left for me and that I just had to learn to live with it. Meanwhile, my world kept getting smaller and I became increasingly distant from myself.

Alongside my mental health problems, my body was showing more and more signs of distress: FND, PNEAs, unexplained pain, chronic hyperventilation, migraines, IBS, and I barely slept anymore. Body-oriented therapies brought some relief, but that relief was always short-lived.

About six months ago, I reached another low point. I came to a point where I realised things could not go on like this.

Something had to change. So I started looking.

During my search, I found Mark’s website. I sent him an email. A video call followed and not long after that I started the programme.

I remember the first session as if it were yesterday. My legs were shaking so badly that I could barely walk. It did not take long before, for the first time, I felt that someone truly understood me. Not only my symptoms, but especially what lay beneath them. Mark explained his method clearly and with humour, which helped me begin to understand how my system works and why my body reacted the way it did. A few hours later, I walked out of the room. It was only when I stood up that I noticed my legs were no longer shaking. I felt strength again. In my legs, but also inside.

Three sessions later, I can still hardly believe where I am today. And perhaps the most remarkable thing is this: I can hardly believe that what was my reality until a few months ago felt, at the time, like my future. The future I was convinced would remain hopeless for life.

I am beginning to find myself again, step by step. I want to live again and am tentatively starting to think about the future. I am not there yet. Recovery is a process and challenges still arise every day. But the big difference is that I now know change is possible. That I know how my system works. That my system can learn. That my body can recover. That there is more to me than my past ever led me to believe. That little by little, I’m beginning to live again instead of merely surviving. And perhaps most importantly: I am no longer a victim of the effects of trauma. I am in control.

Before the first session I had doubts: should I really do this? Things can’t get better for me, can they? I felt it after the very first session and by now I know it for certain. Things can get better. For me too.

Mark, thank you. Thank you for your story, your commitment, your honesty and all the valuable lessons I’ll carry with me.