You are lying in bed, but your mind is still trying to solve something. That conversation this afternoon. That bill. What tomorrow might bring. You are tired and want to sleep. Yet it feels as though something still needs sorting out before you can relax.
Just one more thing, then I can rest
I knew that feeling. During the day I kept working, caring for others and sorting things out. In bed I was still occupied with letters, money, pain and conversations that sometimes had not even happened yet. I thought I would find peace if only I understood everything well enough or could explain it.
Sometimes something worked out. A problem was solved, a threat was gone for a while. The tension eased. I called that peace, even though I was still watching for whatever might come next. In my book De Manke Wolf, I describe what I came to recognise again: relief came when the danger was briefly gone. Being at ease meant feeling safe enough not to have to keep scanning for it.
If relief is mainly what you know, it makes sense that you keep looking for the next solution. Even in your time off. You try to arrange the conditions for rest: first get that conversation over with, first know what tomorrow holds. But something else can always come up. That is how the work of the day follows you into bed.
My problems were real. They called for decisions and sometimes action. But that did not make every thought in the night a solution. I could spend hours on something and wake up the next morning feeling mostly exhausted.
Miranda was sleeping better again
In her Google review, Miranda Zandbergen wrote that she was constantly on alert, slept badly and could not relax. After working with me, she wrote:
“I sleep better, I have a positive outlook on life again, and I now have the tools to keep it that way.” — Miranda Zandbergen (translated from Dutch)
She ends by expressing confidence in the future. In her account, better sleep leads into something else too: how she wakes up and sees life. That is what I want to work towards with someone. A difference you notice in the hours you actually live.
The day can end with something still unfinished
I learnt to rest even when there were still things to sort out. My responsibility did not disappear. I simply no longer had to carry it every waking moment. I regained time in which I could enjoy myself and really be present.
That is why I am interested in what happens on an evening when there is nothing more you have to do. Can you enjoy that evening, or are you still mentally preparing for everything? That difference tells us more than the number of free hours in your diary.
If you recognise this, we can explore what keeps occupying your mind and what you need to feel at ease again. So that going to bed can once again mean the end of your day.