You can explain why you keep doing the same thing. Yet as soon as you are in that situation, it happens again. The gap between understanding and changing deserves more than being told to try harder.
Afterwards, you know exactly what happened
Suppose someone asks you for something when your day is already full. You say yes. Later you regret it, because you had meant to take on less. You can explain exactly what happened: you wanted to help and did not want to be difficult. Next time, you want to respond differently.
But the next time someone asks, the answer is out before you have stopped to think.
That can be discouraging. Especially when you have already learnt a lot about yourself. You know your tendency to please people, achieve or control everything. So why do you still do it?
Understanding and applying are different things
Understanding matters to me. It gives you words for what is happening and helps you see connections. At the same time, my own life taught me that knowing is not the same as doing. I could explain very clearly why something needed to change while my everyday behaviour stayed the same.
Applying what you learn is about what happens at the moment it matters. For me, mastering it means being able to draw on it in ordinary life. You need more than a good explanation afterwards.
That is why I like to look at a concrete situation with someone. Where did you want to act differently? When did you notice things going the same way again? Recognising afterwards where you got stuck gives us information we can work with. It is not a reason to write yourself off again.
More pressure on yourself does not help you see more clearly
You can turn change into another performance to be judged. Then every conversation has to go well, and every repeated pattern becomes proof that you still cannot do it. I have experienced how high I set the bar for myself that way.
That is why I think it matters to be precise. Did you want something different in that situation? Could you make sense of what was happening at the time? Or did you only see your reaction later? Those are different starting points. An intense reaction cannot always be changed by a rational decision in that very moment.
The question I would like you to consider is this: in one recurring situation, what do you actually want to be able to do differently? For example, go back on a yes before you have given up your entire evening. That makes your wish more concrete than expecting yourself to become a completely different person.
In our work together, we connect what you understand with what you want to be able to do in everyday life. To find out whether working with me might suit you, read more about individual guidance.